The Vital Importance of the Mother-Daughter Relationship

Every woman in this world had a mother. Even women who lost their mothers at birth had mother figures or people to play nurturing roles in their lives. The kind of care and support that we received (and did not receive!) as infants and children had a huge impact on our sense of emotional security, ability to look after others, sensitivity, feelings about home and family, issues of trust, loyalty, abandonment, and much more.

For both men and women, one of the developmental tasks of adulthood is to separate one's self physically, emotionally, and mentally from one's parents. In mother-daughter relationships, this is complicated because of the common gender. A daughter (ideally) looks to her mother as a positive role model for femininity, nurturing, the capacity to build strong emotional bonds, and the qualities needed to establish and maintain a home and family of one's own. At the same time, the daughter must differentiate her own character from her mother's. She (hopefully) learns to acknowledge and encourage her own special and unique qualities. She may view her mother as a negative role model in some areas-an example of what not to do or how not to be. It is not always easy to discriminate between what is constructive, where she wishes to emulate her mother, and what is not so constructive, where she needs to create her own path.

Some of the strongest "imprinting" that we get from the family crucible occurs in the preverbal stage of life. This is particularly true in terms of the experiences we had of our mothers. Such early conditioning is very emotional, unconscious, and difficult to access in the conscious realm-tough to put into words and understand objectively.

If we use the metaphor of people as plants, then the mothering we received (and did not receive) has much to do with our root system. It is deeply buried and hard to see directly, yet it is the foundation of everything that allows us to grow and develop. The more we can improve the health of our (emotional) roots, the better we will fare.

This book is written primarily for the daughter in each relationship. Certainly, mothers can find useful and helpful ideas within these pages, but our primary focus is on the experiences of the daughters.We offer tips, tools, techniques, insights, and ideas for how to heal and improve their feelings about and reactions to their relationships with their mothers. In many cases, the mother may no longer be living, or may be unavailable or unwilling to participate in changing the relationship. The daughter, however, carries an "inner mother" in her psyche-all the issues, fears, challenges, and strengths that are tied up with her experience of her mother. It is that "inner mother," and the choices and actions we have taken in reaction to what we feel, that can be healed and enhanced.

Astrology, with its unique perspective into the human psyche, is a primary tool for this journey. The more a daughter can understand her mother, the more clearly she can view the interactions she and her mother have had, and the more areas of her own psyche she can free up. This may entail getting past needless anxiety; facing and conquering fears of abandonment; seeing more clearly the constrained perspectives of her childhood and creating and sustaining a more supportive and hopeful worldview; forgiving old hurts; moving beyond self-doubts and excessive criticism; moderating overly idealistic yearnings; strengthening the capacity to identify her own needs and pursue them; achieving a healthier relationship with her own body; and much more. By bringing healing to the relationship with her inner mother, the daughter can also enhance and improve her relationships with partner(s), friends, children, colleagues, etc. The "psychic fingerprints" of Mom are likely to be found all over the way we relate to food, housekeeping, finding a mate, expressing love, seeking safety, and more.

Delving into these emotional roots allows us to break past old barriers and blockages.

Rather than being restricted to "choices" that we made as infants, we can alter our habit patterns and move into more fulfilling, satisfying patterns of behavior. Although the journey may be uncomfortable at times-old "demons" could rear their heads-the results are well worth the effort! In the end, coming to terms with more of your experience of your own mother means coming to appreciate more aspects of your own being and potential, and freeing yourself to be more fully the special and unique person that you are. Join us!


two
Spotting Repeated Themes in the Horoscope
Although much of this book is designed as a traditional astrological "cookbook" (i.e., instant interpretations of planets in sign, house, and aspect), we must emphasize the importance of looking for repeated themes in a horoscope.What is most significant in a person's nature is said over and over again-in slightly different ways-within the horoscope. In order to get the most out of horoscopes, one needs to quickly and easily spot those highlighted, repeated motifs.

One of the best tools for spotting repeated themes in a horoscope is the astrological alphabet, also known as the Zip Code. This approach focuses on twelve basic drives and issues in astrology, with each of the twelve connected to a particular planet, sign, and house. This is not saying that planets, houses, and signs are the same. They assuredly are not! Each set of three (the planet that rules a sign, the sign ruled, and the house associated with that sign in the natural zodiac), however, has common motifs. It is helpful to be aware of those connections and the basic twelve drives and desires.

After learning the twelve "letters," one can also mix and match various combinations that have something in common. This chapter will first introduce the basic astrological alphabet and then list a number of themes that can be found by combining two, three, four, or more letters of the astrological alphabet. For example, we could note an intellectual stimulation theme, a power theme, a risk-taking theme, etc.

The most important chapter in this book-chapter 8, which discusses healing options in detail-will use the astrological alphabet as a basis to offer ideas, suggestions, and insights to help daughters heal their relationships with their mothers.

The Astrological Alphabet, or "Zip Code"
Although we use the analogy of an alphabet (because an "A" is an "a" is an "A" regardless of whether it is uppercase, lowercase, bold, italic, etc.), each "letter" of the alphabet is given a number, so we have Letters 1 through 12 in our astrological alphabet. A set of parentheses indicates that the factor involved is mixed-not a pure form of the letter.

For those of you who work with the "big four" asteroids and Chiron, we assign Pallas primarily to Letter 7; Juno primarily to Letter 8; Ceres primarily to Letter 4 (with overtones of Letter 6); Vesta primarily to Letter 6; and Chiron to Letters 9 and 12.

Letter 1
Mars, Aries, 1st house-I should have the right and the power to do what I want right now. Now that I have done that, I want to do something new. I like being a pioneer, and I will resist any limits on my freedom.

Letter 2
Venus, Taurus, 2nd house-I want to enjoy the material world on my own terms. I can enjoy making money and spending it, collecting possessions, indulging my appetites, creating beauty, and anything else that gives me pleasure.

Letter 3
Mercury, Gemini, 3rd house-I want to know a little about everything around me, to learn, communicate, take short trips, share life with people who are peers, including siblings and neighbors, maintain a broad perspective, and take life lightly.

Letter 4
Moon, Cancer, 4th house, (Ceres), North Node, (South Node)-Regardless of my age, part of me is a baby looking for a mother and a mother looking for a baby. I want emotional security with a home and family and basic necessities. I want to nurture others and to be nurtured.

Letter 5
Sun, Leo, 5th house-I want to do more than I have done before. I want to put my creative power out into the world and to receive a response from the world. I want to love and be loved, applauded, and admired. I am a leader and life should be exciting.

Letter 6
Mercury, (Ceres), Vesta, Virgo, 6th house-I need to accomplish something that is worth doing and to do it well. I want to analyze my job and my health, to function as effectively as possible, to get tangible results, and to feel a sense of accomplishment.

Letter 7
Venus, Pallas, Libra, 7th house-I want to enjoy lasting, pleasurable, equalitarian relationships. These can include marriage, work associations, and counseling interactions. Fair play is important to me, in competition and in cooperation.

Letter 8
Pluto, Juno, Scorpio, 8th house-I want a deep, committed, passionate relationship with a mate. I will be truly fulfilled when I can give, receive, and share pleasures, possessions, and power with a mate. I analyze the inner depths of life, learning self-knowledge and self-mastery through the mirror of others and through respect for their rights.

Letter 9
Jupiter, Chiron, Sagittarius, 9th house-I am looking for Truth with a capital T, the meaning of life and the nature of reality.My beliefs determine my morals and my ultimate destiny. I want to have clear ethical guidelines to set priorities and make choices. I will go wherever I have to, searching for the Absolute. The word Absolute can be a substitute for the word God, which means so many different things in various religions. Another alternative phrase is "the Infinite Whole that is the Source of All."

Letter 10
Saturn, Capricorn, 10th house-I want to understand the laws of nature and human societies, which I learn through the consequences of my actions. I want to live according to the laws voluntarily to produce positive consequences in my life and in the world. I want to have constructive relationships with authority figures and with my own conscience. I want a productive career, and to handle with wisdom whatever power I have earned.

Letter 11
Uranus, Aquarius, 11th house-I understand and accept the limits of nature and human societies that are necessary to survive in this physical world, and I am willing to fight for the freedom to go beyond what are currently believed to be limits. I seek new knowledge that frees us from previously accepted limits, and I want everyone to have the knowledge and freedom that I seek for myself. Friends who share my interests are important in my quest.

Letter 12
Neptune, (Chiron), Pisces, 12th house-I seek infinite love and beauty, and experience the connectedness of all, oneness with the Whole. I may choose to be an artist or a savior in some area of service or healing. I seek a way to use my talents that will help make a more ideal world. If I have unmet needs, I will call on the Infinite Spirit to guide and help me.

Rulers
We use the concept of rulers throughout this book. A ruler is the planet that has the most in common with a particular sign, e.g.,Mars rules Aries,Venus rules Taurus, etc. The astrological alphabet links each planet with the sign it rules.When we refer to rulers within the text, however, we are usually looking at houses. The primary ruler of a house is the planet ruling the sign that falls on the cusp of that house. Thus, if Capricorn is on the cusp of the 2nd house, then Saturn (the ruler of Capricorn) would be the ruler of the 2nd house in that horoscope. If a sign is intercepted in a house (totally contained within one house that has a different sign on the cusp), the ruler of the intercepted sign is also relevant. Thus, if Capricorn is on the cusp of the 2nd house, but Aquarius is intercepted in the 2nd house, we would consider both Saturn (the ruler of Capricorn) and Uranus (the ruler of Aquarius) for 2nd-house matters. Furthermore, if a planet in a house is in a sign that is not on the cusp of that house, the ruler of that sign can also be included. For example, if Cancer is rising, the Moon rules the 1st house. However, if Pluto is in Leo occupying the 1st house, we would also consider the Sun (the ruler of Leo) as one of the keys to that 1st house. If you like keeping your life simple, include only the ruler of the sign on each house cusp.

Themes
There are four basic principles to consider when identifying themes in a horoscope:
1. The more times a theme is repeated in a horoscope, the more important it is. Themes can be repeated between planets; by sign emphasis; by house emphasis; by house/sign combinations; by planet/sign combinations; or by planet/house combinations. One old "rule" in astrological interpretation is the Rule of Three: If you see something three times in a chart, it is important.
2. Themes involving planets are the most significant. Planets are the power points in the horoscope. Themes involving houses and signs are not as important as those involving planets. (The Rule of Three does not apply with planets. Once is enough with a close aspect.)
3. When theme factors back each other up, they are more powerful. For example, Letter 3 (Mercury, Gemini, 3rd house) and Letter 11 (Uranus, Aquarius, 11th house) both emphasize mental restlessness and the quest for knowledge.Mercury-Uranus aspects would be the strongest form, as described in principle 2. However, if Mercury is in Uranus' sign (Aquarius) or Uranus' house (11th house), or Uranus is in Mercury's sign (Gemini) or Mercury's house (3rd house), that adds to the strength of the theme.
4. When themes are mixed, consider all possible variants of those themes in combination with one another. For example, if the "work" letters (Letters 6 and 10) and the "partnership" letters (Letters 7 and 8) of the astrological alphabet are strongly mixed with one another in the horoscope, these individuals could:
a. meet a romantic partner through work
b. work in a profession that involves much face-to-face interaction, e.g., law, counseling, consulting, personnel, etc.
c. choose a partner to whom work is very important
d. choose a partner who is a workaholic
e. view partnership as their "job" (and perhaps not work otherwise)
f. view their partner as a "chore" or something/someone they need to fix
g. put much effort into improving their partnership(s)
h. be "married" to their career and neglect partnerships
i. work with a partner (a practical as well as romantic association) Remember that none of these potentials are mutually exclusive. The individual could do all (or most) of the above!

List of Themes
Themes are listed here in terms of the numbers associated with each "letter" of the astrological alphabet. Please remember that each number represents one or more planets or asteroids, plus one sign, and one house.

Aesthetic
2, 7, 12-All are tuned in to beauty, and drawn to artistic/aesthetic experiences whether the individual creates them herself or enjoys the grandeur of nature or human art. Not just fine arts. Can be grace in motion (especially if connected with fire planets, signs, or houses), such as dancing, synchronized swimming, landscape gardening, meals as works of art, etc.

Air
3, 7, 11-Emphasis on ideas and people; need to give and get information; orientation toward peer relationships; objective, detached; able to have "space between" and a light touch (though less so with Letter 7, which emphasizes shared pleasures, the Venus desire).

Air-Water
3, 7, or 11 mixed strongly and repeatedly with 4, 8, or 12-Like mist, fog, or vapor. The most internal of the element combinations. Inner world (of mind and emotions) is very strong. Can be a good psychic or psychotherapist by blending conscious and unconscious understanding.May think and feel constantly without doing or showing much in the outer world.

Anxiety, Fear, Phobia
4, 10, 12-When expressed negatively, can be subject to much fear, depression, victim feelings, helplessness/hopelessness. Positive variant is caretaker (see Caretaker). Spotting Repeated Themes in the Horoscope 10

Cardinal Dilemma
1, 4, 7, 10-Internal struggle between freedom (Letter 1), dependency/nurturing (Letter 4), equality/partnership (Letter 7), and control/power (Letter 10). External struggle to divide time and energy between personal desires and development; demands and needs of home and family; desires of a significant other; and requirements of a career or contribution to society.

Caretaker
4, 6, 10, 12-Mothers, fathers, and saviors of the world; people who are both compassionate and competent, doing something practical to aid and assist others. The negative form (particularly of 4, 10, and 12) is subject to unreasonable fears, anxiety, avoidance, etc.

Closeness
4, 5, 7, 8-All seek emotional connections; to share the life with a significant other (or others); to make bonds of attachment and commitment.

Critical/Flaw-Finding
6, 10-Both are skilled at identifying shortcomings or problems, hopefully in order to fix them. Can be too judgmental.

Earth
2, 6, 10-Oriented toward the physical world; wanting to enjoy the world of the senses or needing to produce tangible results. Worker bees. Focused on what one can see, hear, touch, feel, measure.

Earth-Air
2, 6, or 10 mixed strongly and repeatedly with 3, 7, or 11-Like dust. Dry, logical, analytical. The most rational (and least emotional) of the element combinations. Good at both theory and practice; can solve problems.

Earth-Water
2, 6, or 10 mixed strongly and repeatedly with 4, 8, or 12-Like mud. Can be strong, supportive, helpful, and a Rock of Gibraltar, or depressive, hard to move, and stuck in the mud.

Fire
1, 5, 9-Has élan. Energetic, vivacious, vital, and oriented toward pursuing personal desires; also spontaneous, impulsive, and tends toward immediate gratification.

Fire-Earth
1, 5, or 9 mixed strongly and repeatedly with 2, 6, or 10-Like molten lava; nothing gets in the way. The most externally oriented element combination.Movers, shakers, doers.May get what they want and then feel "Is that all there is?" Can steamroll themselves and others. Motto: "Be careful what you want, even at the subconscious level, because you are likely to get it."You may not appreciate actually getting the results of some of your desires.

Fire-Air
1, 5, or 9 mixed strongly and repeatedly with 3, 7, or 11-Like hot air. Fun-loving, extroverted, restless, mobile, easily bored, entertaining.

Fire-Water
1, 5, or 9 mixed strongly and repeatedly with 4, 8, or 12-Like steam. Intense, emotional. May have staccato quality or mood swings.Water holds in and holds back until fire blows up. Very warm. Learning to identify and express emotions naturally and often, so they don't get to the point of explosion.

Fixed Dilemma
2, 5, 8, 11-Learning to give, receive, and share with intimate others in regard to power, possessions, and pleasures. May be feast/famine extremes around food, sex, money, etc. Balancing act in relationships with regard to sexuality, shared resources, ownership: attempting to pursue mutual gratification without coercion, emotional manipulation, hermit withdrawal, etc. Tremendous loyalty, perseverance, and determination are possible.

Freedom
1, 9, 11-All seek independence. To go one's own way, to resist limits or the control of others, to seek adventure or the new.

Idealism
9, 12-Quest for the best; seeking the Infinite. Expectations may be beyond human reach, what we associate with a Higher Power or something greater than self. Inspiration or cosmic discontent.

Interpersonal
(4), 5, (6), 7, 8-Urge for closeness, sharing with other people; desire for one-on-one interactions. (Same as Closeness theme, but chart can be divided into major thirds: personal, interpersonal, and transpersonal.) Letter 6 can be interpersonal in the sense of colleagues and coworkers, but lacks the emotional focus of the other interpersonal letters. Letter 4 is personal when the individual is focused on personal safety and security (the "baby" side of Letter 4) and interpersonal when the individual is oriented toward nurturing and taking care of others.

Mental (Intellectual) Focus
3, 6, 9, 11-Need to know. Urge to collect, disseminate, analyze, and pursue knowledge. Can be restless and variety-oriented (less so with Letter 6).

Mutable Dilemma
3, 6, 9, 12-Challenge of being multitalented and easily scattered; can be a professional dilettante; issues of perfectionism; learning to balance the ideal versus the real; may procrastinate or keep standards too high: "I won't do it until I can do it perfectly." Learning to develop a healthy faith in one's self and in something greater; knowing when to "let go and let God."Needs clear priorities.

Organizational Skills
6, 8, 10-Capacity to keep track of details, bring order out of chaos, get everything together and get the job done well. If carried too far, can be obsessive-compulsive and have tunnel vision.

Parental
4, 10-Keys to unconditional and conditional love parent(s). Either parent may be more conditional, more unconditional, or relatively balanced. In an actual family, there may be no unconditional love parent, or no conditional love parent. Our experience of the people who raised us and our own ability (or lack thereof) to nurture, take responsibility, guard, protect, preserve, and support.

Partnership/Equality
7, 8-Both are oriented toward having one-on-one interactions, sharing life with a significant other, and seeking peer exchanges. May cooperate or compete.

Wands